


Team Free Whatever

by alivinghumangirl



Series: Let's Screw Our Way Through the End Times [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (not happy yet but hopeful), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Bottom Dean Winchester, Castiel Needs a Hug (Supernatural), Coda, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Episode: s15e02 Raising Hell, M/M, Missing Scene, Season/Series 15, Smut, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:27:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alivinghumangirl/pseuds/alivinghumangirl
Summary: Sometimes you don’t kiss and make up, you fuck and keep fighting.Castiel thought that this latest development was harder for Dean to accept than it was for him. Cas had spent most of his long existence assuming that God had a plan for him. So, it wasn’t that surprising to find out that God really was the author of his destiny. The disturbing part was that the plan wasn’t born of love. God was not benevolent, but Cas had suspected that for some time. As Dean would say, ‘God’s a dick’.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Let's Screw Our Way Through the End Times [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022551
Comments: 14
Kudos: 114





	Team Free Whatever

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after the scene 15 minutes into episode 2 of season 15. In the scene, Cas tells Dean he dropped the puck and Dean corrects him and says it’s the ball. Cas looks exasperated because now’s really not the time to nit pick. Dean is feeling hopeless after finding out God’s just toying with them but Cas tries to convince him that what they do still matters. Cas says, “Dean, you asked what about all of this is real. We are.” Dean walks away because he’s a dick.

Castiel thought that this latest development was harder for Dean to accept than it was for him. Cas had spent most of his long existence assuming that God had a plan for him. So, it wasn’t that surprising to find out that God really was the author of his destiny. The disturbing part was that the plan wasn’t born of love. God was not benevolent, but Cas had suspected that for some time. As Dean would say, ‘God’s a dick’.

Still, as hard as he was trying to be strong, to absorb this latest blow, there was a small, insidious part of him that wished he could go back. Back to before he rebelled, when he was what an angel was supposed to be, when he was just a soldier, before he  _ felt _ , before he had free will... or the illusion of it. Things were so simple when you didn’t have to think for yourself, when every action was just carrying out someone else’s orders. But a larger part of him wouldn’t trade what he had gained for anything. He wouldn’t give up having love, family, people who were important to him, no matter how it hurt to lose them. It was worth it because for a time he’d been- well, he wasn’t sure- not a regular angel, not a human either, perhaps something in between. Someone that felt and loved and made mistakes. There had been so many  mistakes but maybe that was just the price of having free will. 

Dean didn’t seem to feel it was worth it but their time together meant everything to Castiel. There was so much between them, anger, love, hate... forgiveness. Cas hoped for forgiveness anyway, that the hate wasn’t strong enough to overwhelm everything else, but, oh, he was scared. He was so scared that there’d been too many betrayals, too many errors in judgment, that he couldn’t to bridge this growing gap between them. He just wished that Dean could be there for him. That he would see that Cas had lost just as much as he had. That grief could unite them, not divide them.

Cas stood across from Dean and tried not to flinch at the forbidding expression on his face. He knew how angry Dean was but he still wanted to shake him for talking to him so dismissively. Was now really the time to be correcting Cas’s mangled idioms? How could Dean stand there and tell him they had no choice, that nothing was real? That was wrong. Cas had chosen this. He’ d been a mindless automaton in heaven, so he knew the difference now. He had fought for this life and he wouldn’t abandon it to apathy. He  would never give this up, regardless of the cost . He wanted to convince him that what they did mattered but Dean just walked away. It felt like more than him leaving the room, it felt like him leaving Cas. He could go if he wanted, but Cas didn’t have to make it easy for him. He followed him into the next room, seized Dean’s arm and forced him to stop. Dean’s eyes were blazing when he turned to look at him. Well,  Castiel felt like he had a fire burning inside him too. A conflagration of feelings that were twisting together and tearing apart- love and anger, lust and hurt- but he didn’t care because he  _ could _ feel, so he’d feel everything, messy as it was.

“We’re real, Dean, and we do have choices,” Cas insisted. “You’re my choice. I have always chosen you. I  _ will _ always choose you.”

“Don’t be naïve. We’re not in control here. God’s a petulant child playing with action figures and we’re the freaking dolls, Cas. What's the point of any of it?”

“We’re the point.”

Dean laughed derisively. The piercing sound was a knife to Castiel’s heart and the cold look on Dean’s face twisted it. 

“We’re Team Free Will, remember?” Cas continued weakly.

“Team free whatever. It’s all a lie. It doesn’t matter.” Dean turned away again.

“Don’t walk away from me! It matters.  _ We matter.” _

Cas grabbed Dean by the shoulders and pushed him up against the wall, fingers digging painfully into flesh where he held him. Dean’s eyes were wide, pupils dilated. His breath was coming out in ragged gasps. He was looking at Cas like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to fight him or fuck him. Castiel didn’t know either, not until he found himself leaning in to kiss Dean. He was stiff and unresponsive beneath his lips for a moment before he growled, in desire or fury Cas wasn’t sure, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter because Dean was kissing him back, shoving his tongue roughly into his mouth, biting down hard on his lower lip, grabbing his hair and pulling. He kept hold of his head as Cas moved lower to kiss and nip at his neck.

He tugged aside Dean’s collar and sucked an angry mark onto his skin, where neck met shoulder. He knew that, when Dean set himself to rights after, his t-shirt would cover the love bite. But he’d know, they’d both know, that Cas had marked him, had laid a claim on the flesh by his left shoulder, not so far from his heart. That seemed to be where Cas belonged, close to his heart but never quite reaching it. The thought tore through him and he responded to the  sharp sensation with another bite, this time with actual teeth, on Dean’s shoulder, harder than was likely to be pleasurable. He thought Dean might push him away then but he just palmed the back of his head and pulled him closer. Anger had always been easier for Dean to accept than affection.

Cas sucked the crook of his neck again, drawing blood just below the surface of his skin and soothing the sting with gentle licks. He drew back slightly and put one hand on Dean’s cheek, keeping his face still, not letting him look away. The other hand he held out to the side, palm up as if waiting to be handed something.  Castiel’s powers had been feeling shaky lately. He really shouldn’t waste energy on something like this , but he needed Dean, needed to be inside of him. The Impala was well stocked, he knew what he wanted would be there. He reached his senses towards the car and found it, a bottle of lube lying forgotten in the glove compartment. The bottle appeared in his outstretched hand. Dean’s eyes flickered to it but he said nothing. Cas leant in for one last harsh kiss before he spun him around. He pressed a hand down between Dean’s shoulder blades until he bent slightly and slapped his hands against the wall to brace himself.

Cas’s hurried fingers fumbled with his own fly, then pulled Dean’s pants and boxers down around his knees. He poured lube onto his fingers before plunging a slippery digit inside Dean. Cas readied him with more speed than diligence. It wasn’t the level of care that Dean deserved, but it was at least the level of urgency that he needed, that they both did. He worked his way up to three fingers before pulling out and pouring more lube into his palm. He slicked himself up, then entered Dean in one swift motion. Breathing heavily, he leant his forehead against Dean’s shoulder, trying to be still, trying to give him a moment to adjust to the invasion. He managed not to thrust but he couldn’t help grinding against him slightly.  As soon as Dean began moving as well, Cas set a punishing pace- he just couldn’t manage slow or gentle right now.  He knew he was being a little too rough, but he couldn’t stop. He needed Dean too badly. It felt so much better to channel his rage and pain into this. Dean was shoving back against him equally hard, so maybe it was alright that his thrusts were bordering on brutal now.

Cas wanted to lose himself in the pant of their breaths, the sound of slapping flesh, the tang of sweat in the air and the frenzied movement of their bodies. He fucked Dean forcefully, as if getting inside his body would let him get inside his heart if he just pushed hard enough. It didn’t matter, he was inside Dean and he still felt alone. The man might as well have angel warding branded on his soul because Cas didn’t think he’d ever get inside Dean’s defences now.  Pushing the thoughts away, he just fucked him deeper, so he was as far inside Dean as he could get.

“Tell me this isn’t real,” Cas snarled, punctuating his words with an almost violent thrust. “Tell me this doesn’t feel real to you.”

There was no answer. Dean was silent except for small, muffled noises. He could tell Dean was biting his lip, trying to stop the sounds escaping, whimpers and moans he couldn’t quite contain. Castiel drank them down, the audible proof of his lover’s pleasure. They took on frantic edge and  he knew Dean was close. Cas reached forward to stroke his shaft, fast and with little finesse, until he spilled hotly over his hand. He pulled it back and licked his fingers clean. Revelled in the taste because, bitter as it was, it was Dean. Cas was desperate for any scrap of him he could get. He pressed his whole body against Dean’s back and drove into him a few more times. Crying out, he came hard. And the climax felt as painful as it was pleasurable because it meant that this was over.

They were still joined but he could already feel Dean pulling away. So, Cas didn’t try to hold him like he wanted to. That was more than he’d be allowed. He just left before Dean could tell him to go, because of course that’s what he would do. He’d push him away, that’s what Dean did when he was scared and hurt. He retreated behind his walls and lashed out at anyone who dared approach. But Cas was patient, he was a soldier, he could lay siege to any stronghold. Dean could only hide for so long, when he emerged, Cas would be there. And if he wouldn’t lower his defences, well, maybe Cas would just storm the castle. He would lay waste to every barrier Dean erected between them. Right now, though, he would bide his time.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos if you liked it because I crave your validation the way Dean craves his father's approval! I'd love to hear from you if you want to leave a comment too :) 
> 
> I'm not sure if this is technically a coda since the missing scene is inserted in the middle of the episode rather than at the end? If you know, feel free to share in the comments! 
> 
> I’m sure other people have written about this scene but I’m avoiding season 15 fanfic for now because America’s airing the show so far ahead of what we’re getting in the UK and I don’t want to stumble upon any more spoilers than I already have! (I'm only on episode 8 and there are so many spoilers!) Anyway, I hope you enjoy my take on it.


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